Mystic Pizza & Lahmajoun
a coming of age story about a Portuguese family, and a flatbread from Armenia
You know the old film cliche, “and the CITY is one of the main characters!”? Well, that’s how I feel about Julia Roberts’ ass in Mystic Pizza. It deserves its own film (or at least a shrine in a temple somewhere). If you haven’t seen Mystic Pizza in a while, it stars a young Julia Roberts, Vincent D’Onofrio, Annabeth Gish, Lili Taylor, and some other actors who’ve faded into mild obscurity. Oh, and there’s a teensey-weensey Big-Screen-Debut of a teensey-weensey Matt Damon.
Mystic Pizza is a coming of age story and a rom com, thus a rom com-ing of age movie, if you will (and please do). It centers on the love lives of three young women who’ve just graduated from high school, staring out at the looming *~rest of their lives~*. Its characters are wonderfully melodramatic. Their angst pours out of them in lines like “I don’t have to marry an asshole, IT’S THE 80’S!” and in actions like pouring two barrels of fish bait into a guy’s Porsche because you assume he’s cheating on you (he’s not). The backdrop? The small pizza shop the three girls work at in Mystic, Connecticut, a small mostly-Portuguese community whose main export is lobster. The town’s population triples in the summer, when the Anglosaxin & Affluent holiday there. This is how Julia Roberts’ character, Daisy, meets her love interest, Charlie.
Charlie is a Preppy, with perfectly coiffed hair and a shiny Porsche to match. After he and Daisy have gone on a few dates, he invites Daisy to dinner at his family’s. While being served lobster by the house’s waitstaff, Daisy realizes she knows the girl serving her, a fellow Portuguese townie. They exchange awkward hellos, Daisy confronted by her world colliding with the fancy world she’s been invited into. And then, to make matters worse, the townie server accidentally spills the sourcream she’s serving on Charlie’s uncle. She apologizes, and Charlie’s aunt cleans the mess off of Charlie’s uncle remarking, “these Portuguese girls are VERY hard to train. I had one once who barely spoke--” she stops herself, realizing their dinner guest is one of those “Portuguese girls” and she’s being a huge bitch (it’s my newsletter, I get to say that). Which, I don’t believe I’m qualified to talk about the intricacies of race in this newsletter, but the idea that Charlie’s aunt is racist against WHITE PORTUGUESE people worries me about how she treats literally anyone else. Anyways, the aunt’s comments lead to a fight at the table between Charlie and his family, which leads to a fight between Daisy and Charlie where she remarks that he faked outrage at the dinner table to have an excuse to piss off his family
It’s unexpectedly nuanced moments like that that make this movie great. The moment where Daisy doesn’t let herself be a pawn in Charlie’s rebellion. When Daisy’s sister rips up a check given to her by the man who broke her heart. When their friend won’t let herself be slutshamed for enjoying sex. Because, ladies, it’s the 80s!! And we don’t have to be manipulated by assholes!!
So, why Lahmajoun as the dish to go with this movie? And more importantly: what is Lahmajoun? Well, it’s an Armenian flatbread topped with ground lamb and tomatoes and mint. It’s tangy, and herbaceous, and cheeseless, which is great for me as I’m blessed with a popular disease called lactose intolerance. And yes, as far as flatbreads go, this one is far from Italian pizza. But in a movie where these women embrace their ethnicity, I figured I’d embrace mine. And since the most Armenian thing about me is my ability to make Lahmajoun, that’s what we’re making! So with no further ado: the recipe!
lahmajoun recipe
INGREDIENTS:
For the Dough:
1 ½ cups warm water
3-4 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
Rolling pin
For the Topping:
1 lb ground lamb
1 chopped onion
3 cloves minced garlic
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes
1 6 oz can tomato paste
A bunch of fresh basil
A bunch of fresh mint
Even more fresh parsley
Cumin
Cayenne
Paprika
Lemon juice
Salt
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat your oven to 470*.
Combine the dry ingredients (reserve your 4th cup of flour). Then, mix in the water slowly, either using the dough attachment on a standing mixer, hand mixer, or mixing by hand! Mix until a dough forms, and add more flour if you need to. Then lightly grease a clean bowl, plop your dough into the bowl, and let it rest with a damp towel on top while you make the topping.
In a large food processor (I mean large, none of that small Cuisinart bs) combine garlic, onion, tomatoes, tomato paste. Pulse until well-mixed. Add some basil, some mint, and a bunch of parsley. Add a couple teaspoons of each of the spices (start with just 1 teaspoon of the cayenne though). Add a squirt of lemon juice and a pinch of salt. Now taste! Is it tangy? Herby? Is it missing something? Add more of the mint and basil. Taste again…. Is it still missing something? Add more of each of the spices, especially the cumin (this dish should be cumin heavy). You want to over-spice the mixture, because once you add the raw lamb it will 1) dull the flavor and 2) you will no longer be able to taste test it because there will be raw meat in it. So once your sauce tastes good and tangy, add the raw ground lamb, and pulse until well mixed. Now back to the dough.
Find a clean surface and ruin it with flour! Take a little bit of dough out (like, the size of a 2 year old’s fist, or like, a small pluot), form it into a ball-esque shape, and then using a rolling pin roll it out onto the flour surface. You want this dough to be THIN, like almost-see-through, could-break-at-any-moment type of thing. The shape does NOT have to be perfect, it can be as round of as not-round as you’d like. (Sometimes, to get it extra thin, I lift it up, holding onto the top edge, letting gravity do its thing to stretch it out.) Once rolled out, place it onto a parchment-paper (or foil) lined baking sheet. Repeat, and fit as many as you can onto a baking sheet (you can overcrowd the baking sheet, the dough won’t expand). Then, add a couple spoonfuls of the topping to each rolled-out dough, so that a substantial layer is on the dough (as pictured). You can spread the topping to almost the very edge of the dough. Repeat with as much dough/topping you have.
Put that sucker in the oven for 15 mins. The dough and topping will cook together, the topping become a rusty red color. Take it out, let it cool, top with fresh lemon juice, parsley, and a bit of a green salad (with a lemony, garlicky dressing) and VOILA: Lahmajoun.
You must continue this,
or have you? I just read this first one and subscribed.
Just one question:
Is "ballesque" a word? lol
Well, I guess it is now.
BTW I will proofread for you if you like. I'm good at that, being a natural-born pain-in-the-ass critic. I found 1 or 2, I think, (small) errors, like "of" instead of "or".
Hey, it might as well be perfect since the rest of it is ❤
(end punctuation omitted internationally as my heart will go on and on)